There aren’t any sure-fire ways to make a therapy work the way we want
it to. Still, there are a few things we can avoid doing, in order to increase
the probability of success. As a fellow parent who follows Doman for her son, I
wish to caution you about the mistakes that you are most likely to commit when
you follow this mode of therapy.
This post is for all parents who have started (or already follow)
IAHP's therapy for their kids. Following IAHP and sticking to the therapy with
consistency is really a great task. In this tough journey, every parent is
presented with various degrees of obstacles. Some issues are really common and
easily solvable. Let us look at a few examples.
- Certain concepts are totally
new for the parents and it takes some extra effort on their part to
completely understand the concept and implement it. For instance, consider
patterning, masking and dot cards method for teaching math. These do not
conform to the usual methods of teaching/ therapy.
- A few of the ideas are revolutionary
and even disturbing for a few parents. For instance, masking, vertical hanging,
acceleration, etc. I even heard a parent once say that acceleration can
cause brain damage or even result in shaken baby syndrome. Of course, that
is not true. Still, it is totally understandable that she doesn't agree
with a few of the suggested activities.
- Most of the family doctors
do not agree with certain activities proposed by IAHP which adds to the
stress of the parents. There was one parent who said she totally believed
in masking but her doctor does not approve of it. She was worried that she
will never be able to do masking for her child.
- Family members may not be
supportive of the therapy and keep criticizing the parents for treating
their child this way. The grandmother may not be okay with the dietary
restrictions of the kid, the grandfather might lose temper whenever the
kid cries during patterning and so many such examples can be cited for
this issue. Most of the Indian parents following IAHP and living together
as a big family can relate to this.
Moving on to the bigger issues, let's talk about the barriers
that do not involve anyone but you. These roadblocks can be totally
dealt with, by your own power,but only you can solve them.
Minor issues like the ones stated above can be easily dealt with because
they are visible and we can deal with them on face. We know what we are dealing
with and we know how to solve them. If your doctor does not feel okay with
masking, you can find another doctor who is willing to help you. If the kid's
grandmother is not okay with the diet you can either convince her or ask her to
stay out of it. There are easy solutions for these issues, but what about the
barriers that stay hidden and hinder your progress? Those are the roadblocks
that I am going to talk about now.
1. Being unclear about the concept
before starting the therapy:
Without a complete understanding of the basics of the Doman method, you
will never see progress. Take your time to fully learn the fundamentals and
then begin the therapy. Only when you know what you are doing, you will know
what to expect as an outcome. If that’s not the case, you will end up
frustrated.
Luckily, we never fell into this trap but I've seen lots of parents do
this when they start the therapy. They are so desperate for results that they
do not want to waste any more time by delaying the therapy. That’s when they
commit this mistake of jumping into the therapy without a complete
understanding of it.
For instance, let's consider masking. Your child breathes into a mask
for approximately 60 seconds and in that period he breathes in his own carbon
dioxide and oxygen. This carbon dioxide present in the mask and inhaled by the
kid helps dilate the vessels that carry oxygen to the brain thus resulting in a
rich supply of oxygen to the brain in a short span of time. Masking should be
done in intervals of no less than 7 minutes. There are many other stipulations
that needs to be followed regarding masking.
If you do not take the time to read through the procedure and understand
the logic behind masking, you might be inclined to do 2 sessions of masking
within a 7-minute interval just in order to complete some 'n' number of sessions
in a day. That is of course not good for your child.
So, always take your time to understand the concept completely before
implementing it.
2. Doing something you do not
completely agree with:
When you do not feel comfortable with what you are doing, you are better
off not doing it. Simply, do those activities that you are totally okay with
and skip those which you do not agree with.
For instance, let's say you are afraid of hanging your baby upside down
for vertical rocking. Even after understanding that it poses no risk, you still
have some fear in performing the activity.
Whenever you hang your baby upside down with that fear instilled in your
mind, your baby will start crying or feel uncomfortable. It is because the kid
senses your fear and thinks he/she is in danger. The whole activity does not yield any results because the goal of the activity is to be fun and effective both of which are not met in this case.
So, it is always better to do something with complete agreement or not
do it at all.
3. Implementing
changes suddenly and simultaneously:
When you make radical changes to your home, be it in nutrition or
organization or anything else, the household suffers. This leads you to revert
back all changes, which means zero improvement. Make changes 1- step at a time.
That gives enough time for your kid as well as the other family members to
adjust with the changes.
For instance, you have decided to make all nutritional changes
at the same time. You remove sugar, salt and even change your cooking oil, all at
once. Imagine the taste of the food now! It is going to be bland.
We are all accustomed to dishes made with regular ingredients and all
replacements are new to us. Whenever something is removed or replaced, it shows
clearly in the taste and even appearance at times, which means we straightaway
dislike the food. This will lead to disappointment rather than a welcome
change.
Instead, if you start with removing sugar and then follow it with
removal of salt and then replace the cooking oil, all with enough intervals for
your family to adjust without their notice, you might find that, at one point,
no one realizes that you have made these changes. Yes, it might take even a
period of 2 to 3 months. Still, it is a thousand times better to slowly make a change
and succeed rather than to quickly make a change and fail.
Change things 1-step at a time. A small change is always better than no
change. A small change that will lead to success is always better than a big
change that will anyway revert back.
4. Devising a plan that is unrealistic:
A definite way to ruin your motivation is to create a plan that is
way too hard to execute on a daily basis. Analyse your kid’s routine and create
an achievable daily plan.
Once, I formulated a jam-packed
routine for my son. It looked so good on the paper that I assumed it
would be a great hit. Guess what happened?
I was not able to complete
even half of what I had planned and I felt so incompetent at the end of
the day. After a few days of following that plan, I realized that the problem was not because I was
incompetent or that my kid wasn't co-operative; it was the plan that was
unrealistic.
In this process of learning, I have lost a few days of time, precious
time, that could have been used well only if I had devised an achievable plan.
What I have learnt from my mistake is that, it is better to create an
achievable plan and consistently complete it rather than creating an extremely
hard plan and failing at it.
5. Rushing in to complete daily goals:
This is an extension of the previous statement. Sometimes we set a plan
that is not achievable at the recommended pace. So, we rush in through the
activities without giving enough intervals.
This means we have done something just in order meet our goals instead
of making it joyous and effective for the kid. This is the real failure.
Instead, have a plan and try to complete it by implementing the therapy
only at times when the kid is alert, active and happy. This makes sure that the
stimulation (however little it might be!) you have given to your kid has been
effectively given. Quality over quantity!
6. Comparing
your kid’s progress:
This is the best thing to do if you want to give up
on the therapy and end up feeling jealous and drained. Even when two kids have
the same diagnosis, their progress need not be the same. Just because the other
kid has started crawling, your kid doesn’t need to.
On the other hand, there are people who feel their kid is doing better
than the other one. That’s a harmful thought too. It gives you a false sense of
achievement and halts progress.
‘No comparison’ is the best way to see quick progress.
7. Comparing
yourself with other parents:
Most of us
have done that and still do it from time to time. Comparison in a good sense is
motivating but there is only a fine line between healthy and unhealthy
comparison.
Whenever I read some success story I feel happy for the kid and his/her
parents. I feel a sense of motivation and encouragement. Thoughts up to this
level are healthy.
But what happens if I move one step further and think the kid’s parents
have given 10 hours of therapy for their kid every single day and that I must
do the same or else my kid will not overcome his injuries. That’s where the
problem begins. I will become frustrated that I am not competent enough and
will start getting stressed out. That will reflect itself in the therapy and
will that do any good to my son? No.
Just because someone else did it, it doesn’t mean you have to do the
exact same thing. Every family has its own challenges and you never know what
sacrifices they had made to achieve their goals. You never know what good
influence they’ve had in their life to achieve what they had wanted. So,
whenever you come across a success story, feel motivated but never feel
compelled to copy what they did.
On the other extreme, looking down on other parents because they are not
able to give a program as effectively as you (or so you think) is also detrimental.
Do not ever do that. Not even once. You never know under what situation the
family is following the therapy. At least, they are doing something for their
kid.
Look up to other people for inspiration. Never compare yourself with
them. That’s easier said than done. Still, it is an important skill to master.
8. Saving
money by skimping on the essentials:
There are times when the upfront expense is too high, so we decide to
skimp. But note that they are the essentials. If you skimp on them and settle
for 2nd- quality products, will you get a 1st-rated
result?
Early on in our therapy journey we decided not to invest money in buying
flashcards and instead we showed flashcards in using our computer. My son looked at the screen
intently and so we thought it was working.
Only after 8 whole months we realized what a bad idea it was because he wasn’t able to recognize most of the things which we had showed him. We immediately purchased sheets of paper, cut them to size and started the reading program in the conventional way.
Within 2-3 months, we saw visible results and now my son can recognize
words from 3 languages and he can do basic math. Isn’t that a good payoff for the money that we
invested in buying cards?
Even though the expense is high, the payoff is high too. So never skimp
on the essentials.
I am no expert on Doman and I don’t claim to be. This post is purely
based on my experience following IAHP’s program for my son.
Thank you for reading! Do you have anything that can be added to this
list? Please leave it in the comments section below.
Have you been through one of these situations? I would love to hear how
you managed to overcome the barrier.
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